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Michchamp
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- Aug 4, 2011
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so... things went okay.
the only time anyone brought up politics was when my dad started talking about an "interesting" account of thanksgiving history he read recently...
I had to think of some parentheticals to fill in the gaping holes in the narrative, as you can see below.
in this account, the pilgrims at first were suffering and starving because they tried to share all their resources as a community (of course, we know sharing = BAD). The hard workers contributed all the food to the community pot, while the lazy ones (who were obviously the ancestors to future liberals and drug addicts) took all the food for themselves while contributing nothing.
this infuriated the hard workers so much, that they stopped providing, and everyone started to starve. (this all ignores the actual history of the pilgrims landing after the growing season ended, and dying off due to illness brought by the harsh winter, not any lack of food)
in response, Gov. Bradford allotted everyone their own garden and parcel of land, and they were able to grow whatever they wished, free from any government meddling (except for the granting of land rights, maintaining the courts to adjudicate disputes, providing for common defense against attacks from outside the village, providing a police force to secure the crops and property against theft, and providing for a secure market with which to store, trade, and exchange goods) or meddlesome christian morals like having to "share" with those less fortunate... and of course, the crops grew in a total bonanza, and everyone was able to sell their bounty (in a completely efficient market that was not recorded in the history books, I guess) and therefore they had enough to get together to celebrate the first thanksgiving (which they must've charged admission to because allowing all to share equally would be bad and wrong, and lead to a breakdown of society).
this narrative also completely ignores the relations with the local native americans that helped plymouth colony survive which any school-aged child could recite...
no one really said anything in response, but I guess my dad sensed that no one was buying it, and about to start disputing the account, because he quickly switched the topic to where he bought the turkey this year, and told us an account of the year he bought a turkey too big to cook in his oven.
the only time anyone brought up politics was when my dad started talking about an "interesting" account of thanksgiving history he read recently...
I had to think of some parentheticals to fill in the gaping holes in the narrative, as you can see below.
in this account, the pilgrims at first were suffering and starving because they tried to share all their resources as a community (of course, we know sharing = BAD). The hard workers contributed all the food to the community pot, while the lazy ones (who were obviously the ancestors to future liberals and drug addicts) took all the food for themselves while contributing nothing.
this infuriated the hard workers so much, that they stopped providing, and everyone started to starve. (this all ignores the actual history of the pilgrims landing after the growing season ended, and dying off due to illness brought by the harsh winter, not any lack of food)
in response, Gov. Bradford allotted everyone their own garden and parcel of land, and they were able to grow whatever they wished, free from any government meddling (except for the granting of land rights, maintaining the courts to adjudicate disputes, providing for common defense against attacks from outside the village, providing a police force to secure the crops and property against theft, and providing for a secure market with which to store, trade, and exchange goods) or meddlesome christian morals like having to "share" with those less fortunate... and of course, the crops grew in a total bonanza, and everyone was able to sell their bounty (in a completely efficient market that was not recorded in the history books, I guess) and therefore they had enough to get together to celebrate the first thanksgiving (which they must've charged admission to because allowing all to share equally would be bad and wrong, and lead to a breakdown of society).
this narrative also completely ignores the relations with the local native americans that helped plymouth colony survive which any school-aged child could recite...
no one really said anything in response, but I guess my dad sensed that no one was buying it, and about to start disputing the account, because he quickly switched the topic to where he bought the turkey this year, and told us an account of the year he bought a turkey too big to cook in his oven.
